Advice Needed!
(This is a shot of my beautiful sister Sarah with her husband Mike and daughter Avery. I thought this would give a nice visual for this post. :) Plus I just like showing off my family. hehe)First let me preface this by saying, I am the type of person that likes to make very informed decisions. Therefore, I am asking this question literally years before it will/may happen so please don't anyone be thinking otherwise!
Question: How do those of you have had children do it? What are you recommendations for having children and what types of priorities should I be thinking about ahead of time?
I am seriously SO excited to have kids one day, but I don't know if I completely realize the commitment and time involved. Is it just me, or do most people think about these kinds of things before taking the plunge?? Any and all advice is welcome! Thanks!
posted by Michael + Anna Costa at
10:04 AM
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8 Comments:
Ya just do. I have to start out by saying that I have a rather well tempered child that I can take pretty much anywhere. But you don't think about how you are going to do it, you just do it. Anna, you do things that would scare the crap out of most people with out so much as a blink. So I don't think you should have any problem having kids or being a good mom. I think it is kind of like getting married, when you think about it all at once it is completely overwhelming, so you just take it one day at a time. Some days with Jocelyn nothing gets done and I feel totally useless. But most days are great. And you said so once yourself, "Oh…I'll have help." :)
I'm with rileigh, you kinda just do it and figure it all out as you go along. I really don't think there's a right or wrong time to have them. When you have children, they're your responsibility, plain & simple. Raising kids, work/life balance, isn't meant to be easy, but it does enrich your life more than you can imagine. Have a network of fellow parents in place to talk to, oh and family too to help watch the kids when you got a wedding to shoot! And sometimes you just cannot work from home AND watch your kids at the same time. Are you willing to "outsource" daycare? :) That alone is a big expense. Good daycare here in DC can range $1500-2000/month (everything's just so expensive here anyway). I have a 5 y.o. and a 13 month old, and while the thought of this alone could send you running for the hills, it's a very rewarding and beautiful gift. I will say that work/life balance will be the constant struggle when having children. Like any good parent, kids will become the priority, and balancing that with a business you love will be a challenge, but definitely doable! As for understanding the scope of time and commitment involved, the best analogy I can come up with is this - do you love Michael, do you love your business, and are deeply committed to both? Well the feeling of love & commitment for your children will be double that! Hard to imagine, huh :) But like they say, kids will change your life and you'll wonder how you got along without them. It won't be about you anymore. I love my kids :)
as a dad of 3, all i can say is that you have no idea how much you love, cherish, enjoy, and care for your child until he or she actually arrives. then, you'll want to sacrifice everything for them. so my advice...
...first -> your kids will want to be with you, and you with them (they grow up so fast), its not possible for everyone (and i'm sympathetic to families and situations that can't make it work), but spend as much time as you can with them before they go off to kindergarten. you'll never look back on your life and wish you'd spent less time with your kids and more time working. i won't presume to know what that would look like for you and michael. but,i know for my wife and i, it meant her quitting her job and finding other ways to bring in $. plus, she has been amazing in her ability to be OK with lifestyle change.
second --> kids can be so all consuming, that its easy to neglect your marriage. have dates, schedule them or they won't happen. your love for each other should grow because of kids, not wane - and be as great as it is for your kids if not more.
so, the great thing about advice is that you can take it or leave it. i think you opened up a can of worms asking, but hopefully you can glean bits and pieces from what everyone has to say.
good luck!
Oh sheesh! Where to start....being a mom of three, it's busy, BUT they have made our life what it is. It's good you are thinking about the realities of it, especially as a business owner. I would encourage you to get the business to a place where you can work out of your home completely for the first 6 months of your babies life. There is too much to be missed. (I'm talking you specifically, not your WHOLE business). If you can meet with clients when Mike can stay home, or AT your home, etc. Juggling breast feeding and working outside of the home can really stress you out, but it's SO worth it. And as much you love your work, it is just a means to provide for your FAMILY....so keep your priorities straight. You walk a fine line of getting establised BEFORE you have kids, but then if you start too late, you'll be old when they are gone.
My vote, get crackin'! Our customers appreciate and respect that we put our family before our business, but the reality is there is time for both if you stay focused.
Love you girl~
Thanks for the advice everyone!! SOOO helpful!
xo
my sister was in town yesterday visiting and she had her two crazy and fun kiddos with her.
1 thing I quickly realized, I don't have the patience right now to have my own kids... wow!!! and the energy it must take to keep up with them, I was WIPED OUT at the end of the day! Yikes.
But my sister and I got to talking about kids, and how people will plan to have kids and also plan to put them into daycare full-time 5 days a week as soon as the kids are something like 6 weeks old!!!!
My Tim comment of the day was that no one should ever have kids if they are just going to immediately put them into daycare. I may be a bit ignorant and mean in making this statement, but seriously, don't have kids if you can't be at home with them as they are growning up, especially as a little baby. It's as if some people just want an accessory, and that's disgusting!
Kids are sooooo precious, they should be raised in an environment where they are loved and cared for by their mom and/or dad all day as much as possible. They aren't toys to be tossed to the side when it's not convenient.
Seriously, I think you two will do awesome with it when it comes time, but I'm a big fan of not pushing that time until it's time to take the time to have time... so time the timing ;-) lol
wow... everyone wrote long responses!!!
Thanks Tim. I TOTALLY agree!! And luckily, Michael and I work at home so we'd never had a reason to stick out kids in daycare - and I wouldn't be able to do it anyway!! I remember when I was a kid that my Mom always worked part time doing something, but it was usually a job that she could do while we were in school etc. So she was always home and I never felt neglected. And I'm trying to set up my business so that it's it's pretty automated anyone. I totally want to be one of those Mom's that goes to the play dates in the park! Thanks again for your two cents - it's always riveting! :)
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